Evil Is as Evil Does
by Equipoise
Summary: I was attacked by vicious plot bunnies who threatened to gnaw my arm off if I did not do their bidding. Herein lies the result.


Evil is as Evil does  
  
"What?!"  
  
"I said, I want to be evil" Harry repeated, a little bit louder this time.  
  
"I heard you the first time." Ron snapped.  
  
"Then why did you-"  
  
"What is wrong with you?!"  
  
"What do you mean?" Harry asked blankly, wondering idly if it was possible for Ron to get any redder.  
  
It was. "What do you mean 'what do I mean' ! What the bloody hell do you mean? Evil is the reason you're an orphan! Evil is what almost gets you killed every year!"  
  
"But evil is so sexy!" Harry interjected, leaving Ron sputtering. Caught between laughter and anger, Ron opted instead for a coughing fit that lasted several minutes.  
  
When Ron could, once again, stand upright, Harry continued.  
  
"I mean, think about it: Tom Riddle had legions of female followers, Lucius and Draco can have their pick of witches, even Snape has a damn fan club!"  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"It's true. Some of the girls here at school formed this club called Rape Me Snapey. And not just Slytherins, I overheard two Ravenclaws talking about a member who had gotten his name tattooed on her-"  
  
"Harry! Ron! What are you to on about over here?"  
  
"Hey Hermione."  
  
"'Lo 'Mione, hey, maybe you can help us, you're a girl-"  
  
"Thanks for the clarification."  
  
Ron and Harry exchanged glances. Some one was in a bad mood; maybe it was that time of month.  
  
"I was just gonna ask if you knew anything about a secret fan club among the girls here."  
  
Hermione looked vaguely disinterested. "Fan club for whom?"  
  
"Snape" Harry spat out the name with some measure of contempt. "Called 'Rape Me Snapey'" Ron added.  
  
Hermione's present coughing fit was even more colorful than Ron's previous lapse. She struggled in vain for several minutes to regain her breath through outbursts of giggles. Finally, she managed "Thanks boys, I needed that. Whatever gave you this idea?" The words 'you stupid gits' went unspoken.  
  
Harry looked down and mumbled a response. Ron translated "He overheard some girls talking."  
  
"Did it ever occur to you they might have been joking? I mean, if there was such a club, don't you think the professors would have done something about it by now?"  
  
"Yeh, maybe Snape would do something about it. . . " Ron waggled his eyebrows suggestively while Harry chuckled and Hermione looked exasperated.  
  
"Oh come off it boys, you know Professor Snape wouldn't do something like that, even if such a club did exist."  
  
Harry looked thoughtful. "Maybe he wouldn't, but it doesn't mean we can't have a little fun. . . Hey, 'Mione, maybe you could make some more of that Polyjuice for us?"  
  
"Harry Potter! That is the single most horrible thing you have ever-"  
  
"He's having you on 'Mione!" Ron interrupted quickly, adding quietly "At least I hope so."  
  
Harry grinned.  
  
Hermione sighed. "Behave yourselves, I have to go, I have work to do. See you at dinner!"  
  
As they watched her receding back, Ron turned to Harry "Promise me you won't be evil?"  
  
Harry shrugged. "It was just a thought."  
  
The two boys headed off to the Common Room and were soon engaged in a quidditch discussion.  
  
Meanwhile, Hermione hurried to the farthest corner of the library where she was already late.  
  
"Sorry Ladies and Gentleman." She nodded to the other girls, all seated at the table, and Neville who was leaning against a bookshelf because he still could not sit down.  
  
Hermione took her place at the head of the table. "I think we may have a problem on our hands. Harry and Ron know about us and they're talking Polyjuice."  
  
*******************************  
  
Author's Note: Um, I'm not going to attempt to justify this. I'm tired and overworked and I needed a good laugh :-)  
  
It's open season for hungry plot bunnies on the prowl. So please, donate a REVIEW to my Save-the-Authors Fund!! 


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